Who the fuck cares?!  Somehow I wound up on this list of what I consider ‘almost spam’ where people reach out to advertise on the site claiming they have relevant material to the subject matter we post about.  Guess what, these assholes are correct.

Metalheads better have more than just some back pain after a good show (not Broadway shows like Mama Mia which by the way you can get tickets for $47 – $138 via telecharge here: http://www.telecharge.com/).  Your neck, your arms, your legs, your vocal chords, your face and your fists should feel it.  I don’t need $5 from some jerk off to talk about back pain on SkullsNBones, I’m willing to do that for free when it’s right.  So any marketers out there who think content on this site can be bought can suck it!  ($20 per suck)

So that said, we often get these marketers who proposition us to post about stuff I can’t even make a play on, like penis enlargement for instance.  (Seriously, if you need a penis enlargement just buy a damn Ferrari from Cars.com and pretend you don’t have a problem)  It reminds me of when I played in my first band and we would spend all night smoking weed and designing a flyer at Kinko’s (Now FedEx Office: http://www.fedex.com/us/office/) and the following day, we would litter every car in Red Bank, New Jersey (http://visit.redbank.com/) with a colorful photocopy of art to push whatever show it was we were playing at the time.

Putting flyers for your band on a car on the main street in town gives you about a 99.9% chance of complete failure at even reaching someone who gives the slightest shit about your band.  This brings me to my point; MARKETING.  You will get far more done by hiring a good PR company to handle bringing exposure to your band than any amount of flyering is going to do.  How much did we pay at Kino’s for those flyers?  Maybe $70-$100 a pop?  You can take all that money and throw it in the toilette because it never did anything.  Maybe we should have targeted our efforts by handing out flyers at shows but there wasn’t that much metal around us at the time.

Anyway, here’s the simple thing you need to need to do to gain exposure which I didn’t know as a young bassist in a shitty band in New Jersey: pick what you want to push (and no, the answer isn’t, “my band”).  Figure out what you’re trying to get people to do and then have your publicist push that.

Want to sell albums? (buy mine!) Want people to come to your shows? (like Cannibal Corpse, Napalm Death, Immolation & Beyond Creation in Winnepeg!) Want people to like your facebook page? (like SkullsNBones!) Want to get people on your email list?  Once you figure out what you want out of people, then it’s time to hire someone who is an expert in that field.  It might cost you $500, $1000 or even $5000 depending on who you go with and what you ask of them, but nothing replaces the power of someone who spends every day marketing bands like what you need.

Now let’s bring it back full-circle.  Do the readers of SkullsNBones suffer from back pain?  Maybe… but this isn’t the right format to market that product.  Just like twerp little 17 year old Sam Roon placing a flyer on every car in Red Bank, New Jersey, putting links and posts up on every site on the internet, regardless of the type of content, is not going to get you anything.  Take me off your fucking list.

Ps. Not one of the links in this article were commissioned. The ads are.


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