Once upon a time, a metalhead dudely friend of mine asked me about HearEvil, and I graciously told him what we were all about. I told him about our lady-centered content as well as our more gender-neutral stuff, and made it quite clear that while we appreciate non-female readership, we cater to women and women only. He seemed supportive buut a bit nonplussed by the concept.
In an attempt to put him at ease (and avoid losing him as a potential reader, I’ll admit), I joked, “But it’s not like we write about tampons or periods or anything.” I gave an awkward chuckle, and he visibly relaxed.
“Good,” he breathed, finally satisfied with his understanding of the website. He hesitated a bit before adding, “Um, please don’t write about periods.”
You read that correctly, ladies. A man told me, a woman, albeit politely, what not to write to my female audience. Oh heeeeeeell no, I imagine you all saying as you join me in wrinkling your nose at him.
What is the big deal about blood anyway? It’s been a theme in almost every genre of metal since metal was born. It has inspired the names of some of our favorite bands (Bonded By Blood, Bloodbound, Devil’s Blood, Blood Ceremony…) and a ton of our favorite songs (Bonded By Blood [again], Blood Of The Nations, Blood And Iron, Blood Of Heroes…). Hell, Watain incorporate pig’s blood into their act at every venue that allows them to do so. Why, then, is blood fine to talk about when it’s spurting out of some poor sap’s meat-hooked anal cavity but suddenly too gross to mention when it’s naturally and delicately trickling (or profusely gushing, as is often the case with me) out of a vagina?
Periods are metal as fuck, as another metalhead feminist has so eloquently written. For most women, at least one period day a month makes us feel like a human-sized fire golem is attempting to escape our body by punching a hole through our pelvis. Some of us vomit until our throats are raw, some of us shit acid — we go through absolute hell, but all of us survive another month to tell our tale of woe. Tell me that doesn’t sound like the thesis statement of your average power metal song (“Day after day this misery must go on,” anyone?). Don’t even get me started on black metal’s anguished howls — who among us hasn’t wanted to let out a Ville Sorvali-esque yell to the heavens to make the pain go away? Menstruation is beyond brutal, people.
It is BECAUSE menstruation is brutal that I say we should embrace it. It is BECAUSE menstruation is brutal — too brutal for a metalhead dude to stand thinking about even! — that I write about it. There is nothing more metal than grossing people out and challenging norms, so I invite you all to tell your brutalest, heaviest, most metal period story in the comments section below. I’ll start: One time, I had such bad period cramps that I had to lie in bed, turn my head, and puke into a plastic bag, and when the pain finally went away, I thought that I had died. Your turn.