Disclaimer: I can already predict the reactions to this article. By men and women alike, I will be labeled a jealous killjoy, I will be labeled an uptight bitch who can’t take a joke, I will be labeled a cunt or worse, my looks will be called into question, the bands I enjoy will be scrutinized. I will say what I have to say anyway, because I want to be heard.
During my travels across the vast internet, I encountered a lost soul known only as Sergeant D, whose initial I can only assume stands for “Dick.” Sergeant D, a contributor to MetalSucks.net, has a lot of very strong opinions about women everywhere, especially women who dare to identify themselves as metalheads. I don’t know about you but I’m always just DYING to know what a man thinks about me and people like me, so at a metalhead friend’s urging, I clicked a link to one of his articles.
Sergeant D, edgemaster extraordinaire, opens his article with not one, but two eye-openers: the bold statement that “girls don’t like metal,” and an image macro of a heavily airbrushed young woman wearing an Accept unitard and lacey tights with the caption “I CAN HAZ MALE ATTENTION?” Right off the bat, we can safely assume that D here is an expert on “girls” and an seasoned pro at hating them as well. It’s not enough just to post an image of a woman who has dared to take a risque picture of herself (it’s not entirely clear whether or not the woman publicized that image herself, although it’s almost certain she wouldn’t have wanted her image used this way) — just in case the reader didn’t get it, Sergeant D means to use her as an example of that which should be ridiculed. He doesn’t know what her favorite Accept album is, he doesn’t know her top 25 most played songs on iTunes, he probably doesn’t even know her name and yet he chooses to make an example of her. What did she ever do to him?
Oh Sergeant D, how I wish I lived in your black-and-white world, the world in which men are men or betas (for those of you fortunate enough to have never encountered pick-up artist types, “beta” is a shortening of the term “beta male,” a nerdy/submissive/otherwise undesirable man) and women are girls (female children), females (female beings, not necessarily human) or sluts (sex objects, often female). Calling female adults women is just too much for Sergeant D, as evidenced by the fact that the words “woman” and “women” appear a whopping three times in his nearly 600-word inflammatory article. Perhaps he feels like the term “woman” carries too much humanity and implies that we have thoughts and feelings like real people — a concept much too complicated for someone of his intellectual level to comprehend, I can tell. Instead he chooses to believe that all women belong to some sort of hivemind from whence they retrieve all of their opinions and behaviors, when anyone who has met more than one female human being in their entire life can tell that this is patently false.
Let’s get into the good Sergeant’s opinion on the non-existent female hivemind that his broken misogynist brain has latched onto. He states, “Especially in the case of ones with daddy issues and low self-esteem, girls crave male attention like a drowning sailor craves a breath of air.” The implication here is that men do not crave the same attention of women, a point that he specifically contradicts only a few short paragraphs later when he describes the quickness with which a woman’s inbox floods with messages from desperate metalhead suitors looking for a love connection. Tell me, who’s craving whose attention in this scenario? Tell me also, why is it the woman’s fault for receiving attention based on how she chooses to present herself?
Now, I could go on and on about the incredibly stupid Evolutionary Psychology 101 bullshit that Sergeant D spouts with regard to “plumage” and bikinis and “installing” breast implants (what are we, motherboards?), but he wrote that whole part in such a jokey manner (even though he obviously really does believe it — damn him for hiding behind humor!) that I’ll opt to zero in on the underlying message of this article:
“Dear metalhead ladies,
You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, so don’t even bother.
Lots of love,
John Q. Patriarch”
If a woman dares to be attractive and like metal (I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that, regardless of gender, people that wear metal band merch actually enjoy metal since I generally have no evidence to the contrary), her legitimacy as a metalhead is immediately suspect. Why is this? Sergeant D doesn’t present a clear answer as to why we shouldn’t believe that any woman wearing merch isn’t a real metalhead. He goes so far as to give the whole gender a cheapshot right at the end of the article, suggesting that the only legitimate women metalheads are “introverted and awkward” (read: not up to the author’s exacting standards of beauty/personal conduct) or into “Ozzfest garbage.” I doubt Sergeant D has even seen an Ozzfest lineup since 1998 or else he’d know that bands like Exodus (a band he so beautifully namedrops in the epilogue!), Skeletonwitch, and Judas Priest have performed at the event in the past decade. Hardly “garbage” if you ask me, but what do I know? I’m just a girl, tee hee! ^_~
As depressing as this article is, the comments are so, so, SO much worse. I won’t quote all the ones that made my skin crawl, but I really must direct you to one exchange between a man and a woman that almost made me cry:
Feño Sky: Lol@ all the bitches saying “I’m a girl, I actually like metal and I’m hot, but this made me laugh”. Shut up sluts, stop trying too hard and go back to the kitchen.
Bari Ann: i have no problem bringing my man sandwiches while liking metal and being hot
Ladies, we don’t have to stoop so low. I know that sometimes it feels like we do, but we don’t. We might be called bad names if we call out misogyny, we might lose a couple of friends that we really didn’t want anyway, but we’ll keep our dignity. Give guys like Feño Sky a hard time. Make them as uncomfortable as they’re making the rest of us.
What do the rest of you think? Am I an uptight bitch killjoy who can’t take a joke? Am I writing words directly from your heart? Bare your soul in the comments section, I’d love to here your take (especially if your internet handle is Sergeant D)!